reality is what in th eye

I always tot I can do it, I always tot... but now th facts is out. th facts is I cant do it. perhaps I really didn't put in all my effort. regret? say no is a lie. I did a mistake, a big big wrong! now it turn to serve th consequence. I paid in too much, I paid in my future :( if only Im grown up before all this happen. th stress is really killing me. I'm v.tired!!!! tired of crying, tired of trying. I'm sick of all of this!!! sick of being stupid!! sick of me!!! being me. everytime I see how sad, dissapointed, angry mummy is I feel damn stress up too!!! im sorry mummy. don't ask me what I want, cors idk. like you say, my future is nothing. blank infront of me. I really feel like running away from this place. i know im being over. going to ite isnt th end. i never said it is, but i never ever plan for ite. by far, i wanted to work real hard for sec5, get 9point & get into NP mass comm, but now... all my plans & dream is drifting. i, kristin have to take a longer route from now on. just because, i didnt put in any effort. i know in singapore you cant survive w/o a cert. even a UNIVERSITY GRAD student CANT find a job how am i going to survive in a future w/o even a O level cert? whenever i think of all this, i just feel super sad & super stress up. no one will understand how i feel at all. cors to them, just open a mouth say "you did your best, cheer up. ite isnt th end, start planning now. ite is just a new enviroment for you to get used to it" yes, said easier than done. i did my best, so? did i even do my best im still wondering. even if i did, so? reality is tht i fail. i didnt make it up. I DIDNT. & thts wht in others eye. thts wht my future holds on too. right? so what if i did my best? who give a fuck. will my future be w tons of money, able to support myself & my family w me alrd trying my best w/o even a O level cert? NO! thts reality! ite isnt th end but it isnt a start i want too! get it? start planning. idk even know what i want, how do i plan? anyhow choose a course & deal w it for th rest of my life? i know, i know! what you guys are thinking for me abt me, all i know. but this isnt th outcome i want. this isnt th future i want. can you understand how stress i am? can you understand th prob im facing? can you understand just how i feel? no one. NO ONE! not even my family can get it. annoying? yes, indeed i am. i grumble over this when im th one who bring this upon myself. who to blame? ME! im sorry for everything. but time wouldnt rewind. facts wouldnt change. is really better to be off dead.